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Sunday, June 05, 2005

joie de vivre 


I’ve been meaning to write a journal entry on how exceptionally good I’ve been feeling at the moment. Whoops. On second thought, “good” would be an unacceptable understatement as GREAT more suitable fits what I want to depict. However, due to some incomprehensible reason, I just cannot seem to finish the essay/entry on my so-called abrupt great feeling. Don’t ask why because I also would not be able to provide an answer to that oh-so simple question.

It’s so strange how much easier it is for me to write a journal entry when I’m feeling down or sad and the like but almost lost for words when in high spirits. Like, all I can say when I’m walking on sunshine is “I’m happy” period. Conversely when I hit a low point, it’s as if I can type away how I’m feeling without encumbrance.

Sticking to the aforementioned joie de vivre.

I think I’m starting to go back to my old self. The one you used to know from five years ago. Hah. And you thought I was going to introduce a more matured me. Actually, I feel like I’ve gone back in time in the sense that I’m once again the same carefree, gregarious person I used to be.

You know what I’ve noticed during the state preceding the current? I’ve observed that I’ve become a bit worldly and accordingly, found delight in it. Shamefully appalling but true, nonetheless. I really thought there wasn’t any kind of stress that retail therapy couldn’t help relieve. (Hola, te gusta comprar conmigo? Lo siento, Candice, pero no me gusta.)

However, I deem I’m less like that now. As it would be hypocritical of me to state that I’ve completely changed. I’m not too certain on what has enlightened me but I suppose I’ve just realized a lot of things while being away, feeling medially lost. Also, I’ve surprisingly actualized one of the most substantial teachings an Atenean could learn from Philosophy 103, the Philosophy of Religion: that people most likely to survive in this universe are those who are able to say "that's life." Beyond belief, I’ve come to accept that the way things are is truly just the way things are. Ergo, great feeling by virtue of positive reinforcement.

Of course, there’s still that facet of my being that hasn’t been altered. I mean, I cannot deny the fact that I still have minor issues. But I will not be apologetic about them and they must never be taken against me because I tell you, I’d be one boring person without my almost-insignificant issues. Besides, who likes uninterestingly perfect people? I mean if I were in an ideal state of being, there wouldn’t be anyone to send my uber-close friends picture messages of me in two different ensembles containing the note: “Please lemme know which one is more appropriate for tonight, outfit A or B. Thanks.” Plus, there also wouldn’t be anyone to send them 7-10 pages of inconceivable ideas-slash-insights via SMS at 5:30 in the morn. Right, Miam?

Speaking of which. It is almost 5am and as usual, I’m still up and about. People in my household probably think I’ve been drinking Pepsi-X again. The same energy drink that made me ace early morning orals and got me high paper marks but consequently turned me into a zombie by keeping me up for 48 hours each time. My, oh my, I remember the last time I had Pepsi-X, I cleaned and scrubbed my room like a madwoman all night until 9am. That instance, I wasn’t aware of the soda brand because it flippin came in the form of Slurpee and my brother Normann, who bought it, didn’t tell me what cola it was until the day I finally woke up. Slurpee Pepsi-X… ooh how palatable sounding, man.

I didn’t have Pepsi-X today though. Just regular Pepsi.

I suppose soda could also make me type away paltriness without hindrance.

Seriously, I must end this entry before another train of thought builds up inside my head.

Great, great morning my sweets.



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