Candilicious!

happy, happy 24th to me :D

2006-06-24T02:13:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow, I shall hit the big 2-4.
And to be honest, I am somewhat scared.

I suppose I am rather fearful because this means I only have one more year of unbridled mad exuberance.

Yes, one more year of crazy behavior that could easily be attributed to being young. And innocent. Hah (!)

You see, once you’re in your mid-twenties every bizarre thing you do would be considered an act of childishness already. It’s as if you’re obliged to really be serious and all that jazz because you are deemed old. I know it may sound unjust [to some] but that’s just how society is.

It’s ironic how I’m discussing this distressing trepidation now when I’m just about to state how, in the past year, I’ve started to learn to live in the present. I admit, there are still things – I repeat, “things” (not people) – that I hold onto, like 2000 and 2003 maybe (surprise, surprise! ha ha ha!) but I’m swiftly getting there. At least now, I can state how marvelous it feels to seize each passing moment.

As my good friend Patty would say, “you only live once…” so carpe diem!

Moreover, this past year, I’ve come to understand that people who offer you things from the heart are those who genuinely care for you. I know this has been mentioned over and over but really, they are the only people who will be there for you no matter what.

Hence, love them back.

After all, they may be the only individuals you can bother at 3am when you’re in the middle of nowhere with a flat tire. Hah.

Kidding aside, I strongly believe that it is vital to love and appreciate the people who love you. Especially those who loved you first. Odd as it may sound, some travel halfway across the world in search of this precious four-letter word.

Speaking of realizations.
My dad used to always remind me that “life is short” and it’s a shame how I never really made any sense of it until recently because this enlightenment has, in fact, constructively caused me to become less wary of taking risks. (I mean, how else will you know unless you give it a shot, right?)
Lest you forget: no guts, no glory.

Also, similar to the adage, I’ve discovered that there is absolutely nothing in this planet that does not pass in time. (So to my friends who feel downhearted at the moment - you know who you are - trust me, that feeling will go away sooner than you expect.) For this reason, try to appreciate who and what you presently have because you don’t want that to be taken away from you (and because sulking just lets you miss out on a lot of beautiful things).

Working with children has opened my eyes to the fact that life should always have an element of fun in it because life without fun is just plain existence. It sadly defeats the purpose of actually “living.”

My greatest realization, however, would have to be the unfailing power of prayer. Truly, God listens to all of our prayers 24/7 and answers them in the way that is best for us. I hate to sound boastful but I would have to say I got 99% of what I prayed for. Plus, additional wonders here and there. Thus, never underestimate the generosity of the Lord.

So now, I’m ready to seal my 23rd year with a huge sweet smile. It has been a superb chocolate-coated year topped with sugar icing, caramel syrup and strawberries. I will eternally be grateful to God for having blessed me with such a thriving year. Muchas, muchas gracias. Grazie, also, to my nearest and dearest. Lovelovelove.

De mi corazon,
candice.

Introducing...

2005-10-14T03:20:00.000+08:00

the current apple of my eye.

My first Mac: A 12" Powerbook G4 Superdrive (however you put it). :D

uber humiliating moment

2005-09-14T06:03:00.000+08:00

Since it was Mama Mary’s birthday last September 8th, I decided to dress up in a sweet manner for mass.

Hence, I sported a baby pink winter top and dark blue cords to school that Thursday. Yes. I know, I know. Despite the heat enveloping the whole Loyola hill (we stand on a hill between the earth and sky, remember?), I still went for the whole cashmere “it’s-so-darn-chilly-in-here” look, like I was making everyone believe winter really existed in the Philippines, man. I tell you, I was dressed in that winter ensemble as if people from Katipunan have never heard of the words “heat” and “sweat” ever. But atleast I didn’t appear like I was expecting to walk on snow as I was togged up in my wedge slippers, which, in my honest opinion, aren’t really meant for walking. In point of fact, I had already planned on wearing my dancing stilettos that day just because I felt like sporting them and not for the bootie-shakin reason. Unfortunately, those stilets were nowhere to be found that morning so I just settled for the wedges.

By noon, I was surprised to catch my friend, Roi, in school. I was so excited to see him, I shamelessly jumped in joy. And I should never have as it has caused my downfall. My literal downfall. After leaping in glee, I suddenly tripped and gradually landed on my knees. Boy, I was down on my knees as if I were begging my boyfriend to forgive me.

The thing is, I actually attempted to do a Miriam-Quiambao-quick-yet-poised recovery shortly after the collapse but the wedges just won’t allow me to redeem myself.

Just imagine how Tai Fraiser from the movie Clueless looked when she fell down the stairs while saying hi to Cher at the frat party.

(Tai: “Now, all night long, I'm gonna be known as that girl who fell on her butt.”)

That’s exactly how I felt. How humiliating. I desperately wanted to disappear from the face of the earth at that very moment.

You should have seen me. I looked like a crazy laughing woman wanting to cry so bad.

Then again, there were already a lot of students and drivers who witnessed my unpleasant fall as it took place by the driveway just outside the College Chapel.

Now every time I see students staring at me, I get paranoid and think: “these people absolutely saw.”

Why, oh why did I wear those wedge slippers?

Well, atleast I was dressed nicely that day.

And it has to be said that I tripped and fell in style.

That’s my only consolation.

~*~

Post birthday greetings to:

Mama Mary (September 8th)

My brother Normann (September 7th)

My Dad (August 30th)

joie de vivre

2005-06-05T04:50:00.000+08:00

I’ve been meaning to write a journal entry on how exceptionally good I’ve been feeling at the moment. Whoops. On second thought, “good” would be an unacceptable understatement as GREAT more suitable fits what I want to depict. However, due to some incomprehensible reason, I just cannot seem to finish the essay/entry on my so-called abrupt great feeling. Don’t ask why because I also would not be able to provide an answer to that oh-so simple question.

It’s so strange how much easier it is for me to write a journal entry when I’m feeling down or sad and the like but almost lost for words when in high spirits. Like, all I can say when I’m walking on sunshine is “I’m happy” period. Conversely when I hit a low point, it’s as if I can type away how I’m feeling without encumbrance.

Sticking to the aforementioned joie de vivre.

I think I’m starting to go back to my old self. The one you used to know from five years ago. Hah. And you thought I was going to introduce a more matured me. Actually, I feel like I’ve gone back in time in the sense that I’m once again the same carefree, gregarious person I used to be.

You know what I’ve noticed during the state preceding the current? I’ve observed that I’ve become a bit worldly and accordingly, found delight in it. Shamefully appalling but true, nonetheless. I really thought there wasn’t any kind of stress that retail therapy couldn’t help relieve. (Hola, te gusta comprar conmigo? Lo siento, Candice, pero no me gusta.)

However, I deem I’m less like that now. As it would be hypocritical of me to state that I’ve completely changed. I’m not too certain on what has enlightened me but I suppose I’ve just realized a lot of things while being away, feeling medially lost. Also, I’ve surprisingly actualized one of the most substantial teachings an Atenean could learn from Philosophy 103, the Philosophy of Religion: that people most likely to survive in this universe are those who are able to say "that's life." Beyond belief, I’ve come to accept that the way things are is truly just the way things are. Ergo, great feeling by virtue of positive reinforcement.

Of course, there’s still that facet of my being that hasn’t been altered. I mean, I cannot deny the fact that I still have minor issues. But I will not be apologetic about them and they must never be taken against me because I tell you, I’d be one boring person without my almost-insignificant issues. Besides, who likes uninterestingly perfect people? I mean if I were in an ideal state of being, there wouldn’t be anyone to send my uber-close friends picture messages of me in two different ensembles containing the note: “Please lemme know which one is more appropriate for tonight, outfit A or B. Thanks.” Plus, there also wouldn’t be anyone to send them 7-10 pages of inconceivable ideas-slash-insights via SMS at 5:30 in the morn. Right, Miam?

Speaking of which. It is almost 5am and as usual, I’m still up and about. People in my household probably think I’ve been drinking Pepsi-X again. The same energy drink that made me ace early morning orals and got me high paper marks but consequently turned me into a zombie by keeping me up for 48 hours each time. My, oh my, I remember the last time I had Pepsi-X, I cleaned and scrubbed my room like a madwoman all night until 9am. That instance, I wasn’t aware of the soda brand because it flippin came in the form of Slurpee and my brother Normann, who bought it, didn’t tell me what cola it was until the day I finally woke up. Slurpee Pepsi-X… ooh how palatable sounding, man.

I didn’t have Pepsi-X today though. Just regular Pepsi.

I suppose soda could also make me type away paltriness without hindrance.

Seriously, I must end this entry before another train of thought builds up inside my head.

Great, great morning my sweets.

Eu

2005-03-12T22:07:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow, I will be leaving the country again. If you haven’t noticed, I almost always leave on a Sunday. There’s something special about Sunday evenings.

Oh but I’m actually not leaving alone this time.

We’ll be visiting 4 different countries. Well, actually 5 if we count the 10 hour meet-up with Joyce and her family in Amsterdam.

Sometimes when I think about it, I get excited. Sometimes, it doesn’t even occur to me that I’m leaving. I actually don’t know how I really feel about it. All I know is; I feel really blessed to be given this wonderful opportunity. Opportunities like that don’t come everyday.

It’s quite strange how I’m once again pressured to pack clothes when I haven’t really unpacked all of my stuff from Cali yet.

I think I’m slowly losing my sense of home.

Okay, time to pack jackets and coats now.

Au revoir.

an imperative entry

2005-03-12T20:35:00.000+08:00

[ I'm currently listening to: Ex-factor by Lauryn Hill ]

You know what scares me at this moment? BEING HAPPY.

Every single person in this universe wants to attain true and everlasting happiness. I’m fully aware of that. True, true. Why opt to be sad or lonely or miserable when you can be walking on sunshine, right?

Sure, I want to be happy, too. I’ve actually been chasing after it for quite some time now and people close to me could attest to that. Surprisingly, however, events suddenly turned. Nowadays, I get frightened when I, all of a sudden, feel ecstatic or when someone brings me delight. I guess I’m apprehensive because I also fear that I’ll lose the feeling immediately. I always think “this is the peak of it. Soon after, I’m going to hit rock bottom again.” Which, true enough, is the usual case as far as I’m concerned.

I guess sometimes when you’re already used to feeling content or sad, whatever the case may be, you begin to cringe at the thought of feeling joyful because you’re scared of what would take place after. Which, more often than not, is the shift from being happy to sad, once again. The transition from sad to happy is, in reality, one of the best feelings ever. Conversely, that from happy to sad has got to be one of the most dreadful ones.

I think anticipation, most of the time, is better than the real thing. I’m actually beginning to think that anticipating happiness is much better than the actual feeling. Weird. I honestly don’t know if you get what I’m trying to convey here.

I know it’s so cynical of me to be thinking this way but seriously, most of my high points are shortly lived and are instantaneously followed by some sort of denouement. Yes, DENOUEMENT. Goodness, my life is such a contemporary plot. I just don’t know what genre it belongs to.

Don’t think I’m complaining though. Nope, am not at all. And I don’t intend to because I’m completely aware of the fact that I should be content with everything I have. Plus, I don’t really want God to take away what I presently have.

I don’t know but happiness just doesn’t seem to find its home in me. Somehow, it always, always manages to slip away.

I absolutely cannot wait for that day when I can already say that I’m genuinely happy. I promised mi amiga, Monica de Mallorca en España, that on that day, I shall send her an SMS containing only the word OVERJOYED (all caps, man). Several years later, still no SMS to send mi amiga. How sad.

Know what though; I don’t want to be just “happy” as it sounds très temporaire. What I truly want is to be blissful. To be floating in glee.

SIGH.

Speaking of happiness.

I saw an old friend of mine recently in person.

He’s only a few years older than I am but I tell you, he looks like he’s 35 years old now. Ironically, it’s not just the new hair style that makes him look older; it’s his whole new outlook in life. Though he and I have been in touch, it still felt strange seeing him again. And I’m still in awe because he has actually become the responsible man I never ever imagined him to be.

Also up until now, I still cannot believe he’s the once crazy-livin-happy-go-lucky guy who’s the first and perhaps the only one, for that matter, to inform me that I’m a sweet person. You know I was really taken aback when he told me that before because I never really thought of myself as “sweet.” With him, I’d just always be my crazy normal self. My, oh my, who would have thought he’d see something “sweet” in me? And to think there were about two people who used to complain about my so-called coldness. Hah.

Anyway.

Seeing him again made me want to tell him a lot of things. Just to have something to say, I actually even entertained the thought of sharing with him what I’ve gone through in the past two years we didn't see much of each other. How pathetic. But you know me. Of course, I opted not to. I just cannot talk about those things anymore. I’ve ~~devoted~~ wasted so much time on that before and I’m just too tired. Talking and even hearing about matters like that could be so darn draining. Topics like that are beyond the scope of my interest by now. There are a lot of things I’ve to worry about at this time. Trust me. I’ve already missed out on a lot of good things because I busied myself too much with the past.

Okay. Back to old friend.

I really felt as if he has matured so much yet in spite of that I’m still this same teenage girl who hasn’t aged at all from the time we met. How sad is that?

Oh yeah. There was another highly noticeable thing about him that day: his blissful aura. Beyond doubt, he was astoundingly beaming. He was looking so jubilant it almost hurt. Hah. Of course, I’m kidding.

Old friend may look a lot older now… but at least he’s happy.
And still remarkably sexy (okay where did that statement come from?)

You know what again? I’m sincerely happy for him. It’s quite surprising as I’m the type of person who’d normally just say “good for you” or “good job, man” to someone who's happy. So something like “I’m proud of you” or “I’m truly happy for you” really comes from the bottom of my heart. No bull.

And in all honesty, it makes me feel good to be happy for him.

I just realized that my happiness doesn’t really have to root from me. I can actually be happy by being happy for another person. Coolness.

Aww, old friend, I seriously don't know what went wrong before.

I feel like I’m talking nineteen to the dozen here.

Alright. It’s a wrap, folks.

♥

2005-02-15T03:18:00.000+08:00

Could You be healer
to a heart that's been wounded
in a battle that's never seen?

Could You be teacher
to a mind of confusion,
tell me what does this all mean?

Are You deliverer
of an imprisoned feeling in chains,
can You set my spirit free?

And just one more question.
Allow me this question,
could You be Messiah to me,
could You be Messiah to me?

Could You be father
to a soul that's been abandoned
by a world too busy to hear?

Could You be friend
to a helpless survivor,
can You take away my fears?

I heard them all sharing
this newfound conviction in them,
are You all that they make You to be?

Now I've been looking for someone like You
and I’m so tired.
I’m tired.

I've read every book
and I’ve sang every song.

My mind may be right
but my heart feels so wrong.

Tell me how much further can my life go along
which way do the roads lead,
where do I belong?

Are You forgiver
of my most unknown secrets,
provider of all that I need?

Could You be brother
the one who knows better
would You now stand in the lead?

When all this is over
all the thunder and lightning,
in the daylight just what will I see?

The answers to my questions
to all of my questions.

Could You be Messiah to me,

Could You be Messiah?

Please be Messiah to me.

- Gary Valenciano, “Could You Be Messiah”

bizarre

2005-01-22T18:56:00.000+08:00

I munched on fries drenched in Sprite this morning. I know you’re probably thinking “EWW” but the fries and the beverage came in one plastic bag and I couldn’t just throw the fries away. Waste of money. Plus, it wasn’t really that bad.

I’m weird, I know.

Even my mom thinks so.

Especially since she found out I put “married” as my status on friendster –- which I hardly check, by the way. It’s a bit strange how a lot of people forced me to change that [status] as it is somewhat “scandalous.” I can’t believe it actually shocked and intrigued quite a number of people. Including Mika. Hehe.

So to put a screeching halt to all the questions, I’m now changing my status to SINGLE. I guess that wouldn’t attract unwarranted gossip anymore. Yeah beby, I’m single, single ready to mingle. NOT.

Anyhow, I’m lovin this whole Sun Cellular 24/7 gimmick. Sometimes I spend 3 hours on the cellphone just talking to a friend. 3 whole hours of total blah, absolute nothingness and plain bolahan that - of course - gets cut off every 15 or, sometimes when you’re lucky, 30 minutes. Still, the fact that you have free cellphone minutes (well, almost complimentary save for the fact that you actually have to buy the 24/7 card) makes you feel as if you’ve duped your service provider. Hehe mean ass. Oh and yesterday, Kimmy taught me some trick to automatically acquire P150 free Sun Cellular load. Whoopee. I heart Kimby. And my Sun Cellular. Okay fine, and my Globe, too.

I wanna write more random stuff but I have to go pack now. I’m leaving for Pangasinan later this evening for my Aunty Jess’ funeral services tomorrow. Since Gary had already brought her ashes back last Thursday all the way from Fremont, I guess we could say my Aunt is literally and figuratively home now. May you rest in peace, my dear Aunty.

So that shall suffice for now.

I’m bizzy-bouncin. Will be back in less than 48 hours.

God speed!

Happy New Year, Love

2005-01-04T02:09:00.000+08:00

[ I'm currently listening to: Home by Brian McKnight ]

to prosperity!

2004 and 2005

2004 was, in all honesty, a pretty great year for me. I graduated, earned myself a degree in English, got hired a week after graduation -- to name some of my so-called achievements. But I'm also glad the year has come to an end as it was an emotional roller coaster ride for me. It had its highs, lows and scary loops. Phew. 2004 was just full of drama... which I endured gracefully. Thank you very much. Hah.

I cannot seem to believe how strong I had become last year. Aside from those times I watched the tv program, Wish Ko Lang, I actually only cried twice. One was over a marketing-career problem (argh) and the other was over food. Haha. Seriously though, even if I reached some low points last year, I'm proud to say that I was able to rise up in the last three months. Faith kept me afloat and California, once again, rocked my entire being. Now you know how I got my groove back.

You were a great year, 2-oh-oh-4. Goodbye. Nice to know you.

But of course, let's not completely erase the previous year from our systems. I believe it's important that we still continue to offer help and prayers to the victims of tragedies and calamities that transpired last year. Always remember that prayers can move mountains and God listens all the time. Trust me.

At any rate, I just wish that 2005 would be a better year for everyone.

As for myself, I only ask for two things this new year; peace of mind and peace of heart. Which I believe are two of the most essential things in life. Oh also, this year, I intend to be more private when it comes to matters of the heart as I've always been open about it in the past few years. I've finally learned that when you put something like that out in the open, you also give other people a chance to pry into your lives and therefore subject yourselves to merciless criticism. So from now on, I shall keep the person I'm seeing from everyone else. Well, atleast his identity. Haha. That's how we want it to be.

Happy New Year, everyone!

God bless us all!

Cheers!
cands

Happy birthday, Lord Jesus! Ü

2004-12-26T04:52:00.000+08:00

[ I'm currently listening to: The Christmas Song by Stevie Wonder ]

our Christmas Tree

The reason for the season

My favorite time of year has come again and sadly, I didn’t quite feel it turn up. Similar to what I had said last year, I feel like it sneaked in while I wasn’t looking. It’s so frustrating to not have the Christmas spirit because it’s:

1. First and foremost, Jesus’ birthday – Son of God whom He willingly sent us, His people, to be the messenger of His love.

2. Also the merriest time of year. Surprisingly, everyone’s just nice and generous during this season.

I honestly believe that there’s really no one to blame for the absence of Christmas spirit this year. I suppose the atmosphere is just a bit gloomy because of all the heartbreaking events that have just taken place.

Even so, I’ll still try to celebrate the real reason for this season in my own little way… and also try to be cheery by listening to Christmas songs on my ipod.

Oh and many, many thanks to those who sent me gifts and greeted me! Ü

Isn’t it great how even those people who have offended, wronged and hurt you also greet you on this special day? Heehee.

Truly, Christmas is one miraculous day because it lets you know who truly values you as a person.

Once again, Merry, Merry Christmas to all of you! May you receive more blessings this season and in the coming year. Ü Cheers!

hugs and kisses,

candice

"Nobody said it was easy. It's such a shame for us to part."

2004-12-23T05:10:00.001+08:00

[ I’m currently listening to: The Scientist by Coldplay]

Before anything else, I’d like to extend my warmest sympathy to those deeply affected by the successive tragedies that have engulfed our country in the last few weeks.

Our prayers go out to you and your respective families.

On a lighter note, I am home. Yes, people, I’ve been home since Wednesday morning and been sick, as well. Actually, I was already feeling a bit sick two weeks ago but since a lot of people wanted to take me out (haha feeling!), I still took off every single day (and night) despite my ill condition. Yep, because I couldn’t afford to disappoint anyone of them.

See? That’s how I am with people I love -- even if I’m sick, I’ll still walk out in the rain with you. If you ask me to. Hah.

Yeah so on my last day in the Bay, Heids and I went to the mall. Heh. Would you believe we were still purchasing stuff by 4:45pm when we’re already supposed to be leaving for the airport by 6pm?!? Goodness, by the time we reached Aunt Emily’s, I was already panicking because I hadn’t finished packing yet. Argh. Due to my carelessness, I wasn’t able to fully indulge in my favorite Kare-Kare as I only finished packing by 6:30pm and we still had to travel for another 45-minutes-to-an-hour to get to the airport. And did I mention that my flight was at 8:45pm? Tsk, tsk. There goes my sense of time. Heh.

So anyway, Ate Cris, Gary, Heids and Cassie brought me to the airport and waited with me until it was time to board. This departure wasn’t as hard as we imagined it to be because we all knew we were going to see each other again soon. There were no “goodbyes” uttered. What filled the air, instead, was a bunch of “see you again real soon!” statements. It was cool because we were even pretending to cry right before we parted ways.

But honestly, even if I didn’t cry, I still felt extremely sad deep inside. Aww.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Oh okay, so as I was about to enter the plane I suddenly heard someone yell “Candiiiiice, Candiiiiice!!!” frantically. Seriously. I got surprised because I didn’t know anyone who was also flying back to Manila that night and it couldn’t possibly be any of my relatives as I was already inside the boarding area where only passengers were admitted. How strange is that? So when I finally turned towards the voice, I was shocked to discover it was Miel Yap’s! Hah. Who would’ve thought I’d have a high school classmate working for PAL San Francisco?

Coolness.

Manila, Manila

So what have I been up to ever since I got back from the States?

Let's see... Well, I’ve only gone to an Ateneo Christmas Party with my parents and been attending Simbang Gabi at different Churches (Gesú, Mt. Carmel and our Parish Church). That's about it, I think. No par-tays whatsoever... yet.

I haven’t really gone out-out coz I’ve been sick. Would you believe I actually lost my voice for a couple of days?

Sadness.

At any rate, I’m glad I have Fantone to keep me company. Woot. He’s my new best friend.

these pictures partially constitute my concept of LOVE

2004-12-11T03:43:00.000+08:00

[I am currently listening to: True by Ryan Cabrera]

with two of my sisters: Nessa and Heidi (before heading to Cheesecake Factory, Valley Fair)

Nikki and her Bratz doll

sweet love

heehee

i love this lil girl to pieces.

love for food

what I used to have back in Manila

what I've been having here

~*~

I got to talk to my entire family from back home today. Yey! :D

happy Immaculate Conception day! :D

2004-12-08T23:39:00.000+08:00

I love hearing early mass.

Grandma Polly picked me up at 730am today to hear mass at Our Lady of Peace to celebrate the feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary. I loved the mass there for its solemnity and wonderful song selections. Actually, it reminded me of the ones we had back at the College Chapel of the Ateneo which either started or ended my school day. Either way, though, I still enjoyed the noon masses there. I liked going with Monique and seeing the regulars. I seriously took pleasure in listening to Fr. David’s sharp sermons and his impeccable delivery of the English language. Que suave.

While we’re at the topic, allow me to tell you a lil somethin somethin that took place there.

Way back during my early college days, I went inside that Chapel and asked for a sign. I asked Him to make the next friend I see in there someone who would play an important role in my life. So the following day, I saw someone I knew praying there and upon seeing him, I quickly said to myself, NA-UH, he cannot play an important role in my life. I tell you, that guy and I honestly haven’t had any serious conversation whatsoever from the time we met. And that's strange, right? Oh my. Would you believe a few weeks after he suddenly started making contact and we’ve actually become friends? How unbelievable is that?

Impossible is, indeed, nothing.

Actually, he still doesn't play an important role in my life. Not yet.

But who knows, right?

At any rate, happy Immaculate Conception and happy Ana J. day! :D

~*~

Guys, please keep praying for our countrymen who were greatly affected by the typhoon. Reach out to them, too, if you can. It's never too late to help.

I'll be home for Christmas

2004-12-07T05:10:00.000+08:00

My new toy

30 minutes after getting home from San Francisco last Friday, I heard angry knocks on the front door that scared the heck out of me. You know the type of knock in movies wherein the FBI people raid someone’s house? That kind. Eeek. Seriously, I was anxious to get the door as I was left home alone that night and it was a bit eerie. But after a few minutes I realized that it could be someone or something important so I opened it and saw a UPS truck about to run off. [Oh] and a small package lying on the floor which turned out to be my first Christmas present for this year.

Thank you Aunty Tina and Kuya Rollie so, so much. :D

the UPS package

Actually my Aunty Tina and Kuya Rollie sent me a silver IPOD Mini but I had it exchanged for a gold one at Good Guys. I love Good Guys! Would you believe they accepted my silver IPOD Mini even if it was opened already? Hehe. Truly, at Good Guys, satisfaction is guaranteed!

I’m gonna call this toy Fantone. Just like my high school egg’s name, Luis Fantone. And yep, this ipod is male. Hahaha what a psycho.

I’m an extremely blessed person.

Thank you so much, Lord.

Sweetest dreams.

Still missin everyone back home :D

I haven't felt the way I feel today in so long... (it's hard for me to specify)

2004-11-30T05:13:00.000+08:00

Downtown Clubbin (Saturday - 27 November 2004)

Errbody in the club got hecka buzzed last Saturday.

Yes. Including myself.

And I honestly haven’t felt that way ever since the good ol’ crazy Stars days. The now defunct STARS… Awww. I tell you, that bar was where all the drinking happened. First round: margaritas. Second round: cosmopolitans. Third round: bellinis. Thanks to Erica, alcohol kept pouring every weekend, man. Well, actually there were also a couple of school nights -- usually birthday parties. I remember coming to my first period English class at freakin 730am once during freshman year with only about two hours of sleep and with Amber’s song, “Sexual,” playing in my head. Seriously, I was staring at my professor, pretending to listen for two whole hours, without actually hearing a thing she was saying because of that freakin song that was stuck in my head.

Don't you know that when you touch me baby that it's torture
Brush up against me, I get chills all down my spine
When you talk to me it's painful
You don't know what you do to this heart of mine…
I confess I watch your mouth move, baby, when you're speaking Study your body when you walk out of the room
You'll see how much you value my friendship
But I want you addicted to my perfume...

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten drunk-drunk before. But I’ve been tipsy, though. Hah.

You know I’m tipsy when I:

· dance to non-groove-able tunes

Barb: "Cands, I don’t think you’re supposed to be dancing to this song."
Me: "why, what's this?"
Barb: "Umm, Barry White."

· start complaining about not being able to look up

Me: "Barb, I feel like I'm wearing a sun-visor…"

· begin talking about stuff like GLOBAL WARMING. Ugh, nerdy topic, I know, but I did hit Juls up with that geeky convo once. Then again, I was taking up Environmental Science at that time so maybe I just got a lil hung up on that lesson. BUT STILL.

So anyway.

Last Saturday after having my usual apple-tini, I was forced to gulp down this huge shot of I-do-NOT-know-what that came from Vanessa’s friend, Kim. See, I don’t usually take drinks/shots from people who aren’t close to me but since she’s my cousin’s friend, I consumed it. Besides, all three of us drank the same thing, anyway. But. Oh. My. We shouldn’t have taken that last shot anymore because it made us extremely dizzy. Dude, we were so nauseated, we had to run to Caryn’s car to sober up. And we actually stayed at the parking lot for 30 minutes. How sad, one of Caryn’s friends even had to drive us to Lee’s Noodle House because Caryn was too buzzed to drive. I swear, we would’ve gotten in big-ass trouble had the cops seen us. AND I wouldn’t be able to come home to Manila. How terrifying is that? Hello?!? My parents are making me come home already.

Phew.

Thank God, we weren’t that obvious.

Okay from now on, I really wouldn’t take drinks from people I do not know.

buzzed ladies at the parking lot.

San Jose, California (27 November 2004)

Guess who I was able to meet up with at the Great Mall? My dear highschool/college friend, Muff. Woohoo.

Muff, Cands and Cassie

Nikki's birthday

2004-11-22T23:15:00.000+08:00

22 November

Happy birthday, Nikki lovey

pictures

2004-11-10T17:23:00.000+08:00

my 5 day-old nephew, Darrius Ryan

Cristina(with baby Darrius), Nikki, Heidi and Candice

kissy-kissy! mwahahaha. score, pare.

happy halloween

2004-11-01T20:50:00.000+08:00

Vanessa, Sau the Pimp and Candice

Cassie the candy monster. "I bet you want these goodies."

Vanessa the fallen angel and Candice the cat

the entire costume crew

DORKS!!! We are cousins, indeed. Haha.

Mwahaha.

Candice

more halloween pics

hold the wheel and DRIVE.

Happy All Saints and All Souls Day, people!

It’s 7:47pm and we just got home from Chili’s. I am so full. All we do is stuff ourselves here.

I was home alone earlier for the first time. Sadly, Vanessa and Cassie both had classes while everyone else partied in Vegas. Yep, that’s right and I was just here seated in front of the laptop listening to My Boo (featuring Beyonce and JD) with a heat dish / heater behind me.

Yes I remember boy, cause after we kissed
I could only think about your lips
Yes I remember boy, the moment I knew you were the one I could spend my life with
Even before all the fame and people screamin your name
I was there and you were my baby.

Anyway.

It’s good that I’m just staying home tonight coz I’ve been out a lot already. Goodness, we haven’t stopped goin out ever since we got here.

Thursday night, we went to Rosie McCann’s for my cousin-in-law’s despedida. First, we just ate and chatted. Shortly after that, the drinks followed and a few glasses of apple martinis later, we found ourselves on the dance floor… getting our groove on. Haha. That was crazy. I even got introduced to this guy, Ernie Reyes Jr., who’s supposed to be a known martial arts expert. Well, I don’t know if I just don’t watch a lot of contemporary movies but I’ve never really seen any of his flicks before. Apparently according to my cousin-in-law, he kicked The Rock’s ass in this movie Rundown. And he was one of the Ninja Turles, too. Oh wait, I saw that movie, TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES, when I was younger. Cowabonga! Heehee. Anyhow from Rosie McCann’s, we all hung at Rich’s apartment at Santana Row for a bit before promptly proceeding to this Milpitas café for some noodles.

Friday morning, I accompanied Ate Cris, Nikki and Heidi to Valley Fair for some shopping. Heck. By noontime, I could hardly stand and walk from extreme weariness. Everytime we’d go to a shop, the first thing I’d do is look for a stool or a chair where I could sit. I didn’t even look at stuff anymore. I was just too tired. Thankfully when we got home, I was able to sleep for a couple of hours before getting ready for my cousin-in-law’s 2nd despedida night. So when Ate Cris, Kuya Joe, Phil and Cristy picked us up at around 10pm, I was again fully charged and ready to par-tay. That night we went downtown clubbin in San Francisco. Dude, our group was hecka big. There must have been more than 20 of us in there. Aside from my cousins, we were also with some of Kuya Joe’s relatives and friends and two of Cheryl’s cop friends. I never knew that having cops with you could be such an advantage. That police badge could actually be flashed anywhere and put to good use. “This is an authorized search so if you could please step aside and let all 25 of us in… for free.” Haha. Just kidding. That’s power-tripping right there.

That same night before leaving for San Francisco, Vanessa got us pearl drinks from Fantasia which we brought with us and slowly finished in the car. I tell you, by the time we got to San Francisco, which unfortunately had bad traffic, Mary and I were both dying to pee already. So what we did was, we went down this café first and asked for their restroom. Would you believe the guy by the counter wouldn’t even let us use it because, according to him, we weren’t customers?! How inconsiderate. Okay since we needed to take a leak so bad, I randomly picked up a pack of gum from one of the shelves and handed it to him as if to say “So am I a customer now?” But no, instead, he threw me back this look that translated to “You don’t expect me to let the two of you use our bathroom by purchasing JUST a pack of gum, do you?” I know, gum is cheap and all but we really didn’t have to purchase anything in the first place. Free country, right? Haha. So even if he shot me a look of extreme disappointment, he still did ring up the pack of gum and let us use their precious restroom. Goodness, we practically had to pay for that toilet, you know. Yes, I could be such a cheapo, I admit. Heh.

Moving on to better stuff.

Hence we went to the club, danced and drank. I had an apple-tini, a shot of something (I don’t even know what it was, Kuya Joe just handed each one of us a shot of whatever that was) and most of Mary’s cosmopolitan coz she was already drunk. Tsk tsk. And I wasn’t even hit or anything. Well, for a second I thought I was. That was the time my friend’s pal from back home suddenly appeared there. Honestly, for a moment I felt lost. Is this San Francisco or Makati? Haha. After all the drinking and grooving, we all decided to go eat at Denny’s, Japantown. For some reason, we always, always have to eat after a night-out.

Vanessa woke me up the following day to go costume-hunting. Despite having an extremely achy and sleepy head, I got ready and went with her and her friend to Sunnyvale. After picking up a few stuff, we headed home and I went back to sleep. Then she woke me up again at around 6pm to go get ready for the costume party. Vanessa’s friend, Sau, picked us up early because we still had to pass by Pier 48 to drop some tickets off. Because we took so long in SFO, we didn’t get to attend the costume party anymore. Instead, we just hung with Sau’s friends and ate at a diner.

Sunday-- Vanessa, Cassie and I heard mass at a nearby Parish Church. I liked the mass there, it was very solemn. Before ending, someone announced something about including parish priests in our daily prayer as a way of thanking them for continuously officiating mass for us. Yeah, I mean, do we ever really get to thank the priests who daily / weekly try to lead us closer to God? And to think we don’t even have to pay a single cent to hear the Word of God.

From Church, we drove to Rivermark for some cookies before dropping by Tapioca Express for some bubble drinks. After that, we went to the mall and purchased some stuff. Vanessa was generous enough to get me new jeans. Hehe. Thanks so much, gurl! When we got home, we handed candies to the trick-or-treaters who came knocking. After running out of candies, Vanessa and I sped off to Tomatinas for dinner. Yummy pasta.

I told you, all we do here is stuff ourselves with food.

Phew. That was an uber tiring weekend.

Okay, will end this long entry now.

Still missing everyone back home.Ü

San Francisco (Friday - 29 October 2004)

2004-10-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

Downtown clubbin (Federal Agent Joe's despedida)

Cristy, Cheryl, Mary, Joe, Candice, Cristina and Cathy

Cheryl, dick man, Cristina, Candice, Cathy and Cristy

Cheryl and Candice

Rosie McCann's, Santana Row (Thursday - 28 October 2004)

Jun, Rich, Candice, Cristina, Ryan, Cristy, Mark and Joe

Apple-tinis (apple martinis) and cosmos ROCK. (Right, Mary? hehe.)

Good morning, sunshine!
It's a bright fine day.
Hope you find more than one reason to smile today.

candi the vampire slayer

2004-07-01T19:45:00.000+08:00

(yuck, baduy hah)

It’s 7:20pm and I’ve just awaken from a supposed nap that lasted for 5 freakin hours! Could’ve just said “from a deep slumber.” Hah. Isn’t it weird to be waking up at 11am and again falling asleep by 2:30pm? Goodness.

I have a sleeping problem.

Actually, I’ve always been burdened with unhealthy sleeping habits and there have been nights when I’d have to take sleeping pills just to be able to doze off.

Lemme tell you a story.

Since I’ve always been obsessed with that healthy lifestyle of sleeping by 7pm and waking up by 4am, I once tried going to bed early… like, hecka, hecka early. So by 6pm I took a mild sleeping pill before turning on the television. Golly by 7pm I was still wide-awake so I decided to take another sleeping pill. As I was watching senseless television, I suddenly received a text message from someone. It was the guy I liked asking me out! Waaah. I suppose on a normal basis, I would’ve already jumped on top of my bed and screamed my lungs out like a silly highschool girl but since I was on “sleeping medication,” I couldn't do such silly acts. I swear, I really wanted to run to the bathroom, kneel in front of the toilet bowl and force those stupid pills out. But of course, it was pointless because they were already inside my system about to take effect. Fart. That night would have been h-e-a-v-e-n with a capital H without those sleeping pills, man. BUT unfortunately, I couldn't come.
*Silence*
(Norah Jones' Don't Know Why starts to play in the background.)

Surely, had I gone, that would have made it, for him, a night with candi the zombie.

Sigh.

Why did I even decide to take those sleeping pills that day? And why did that guy have to text me on the day I resurrected my healthy-lifestyle obsession?

Ironically, the pills weren’t the ones that got flushed down the toilet that night but my chance to get to know that guy better.
End of story.

So as you already know, I really have a hard time falling asleep at decent hours. I remember those times back in high school (during breaks, of course) when I’d be up until 9am. Imagine lying in bed for 9 hours and not getting sleepy at all?!?! That was so darn frustrating, man. I tell you by 9am, I had already seen Hey Arnold and Rugrats 4 times apiece. No exagg.

Well now, I have a different story to tell. With the typhoon-like weather that we have, it seems as if there’s nothing left for me to do but sleep. I’m always sleeping! I’d wake up at noon and sleep again after 3 hours. How strange! Even my cousin would tell me that he hardly sees me up and about anymore as I’m asleep when he leaves for school and still in slumber when he comes back. True, true. The problem is: I’m asleep most of the time except at night! I still can’t manage to sleep at a decent time. My father, lately, has been getting mad at me for acquiring the sleeping habits of a vampire. Of course, I tell him that it’s not really my fault that I don’t get to sleep because I do try really hard. I inform him that I have a hard time nodding off because someone can’t stop thinking about me. Hah. I know, I know. It’s such a feeling excuse. Pagbigyan. That’s my only consolation for now. Heh.

“What a problem,” right? Well one thing I’m sure of, these crazy-sleeping habits definitely have to go.

I want a healthy lifestyle. I want to be having forty winks by 8 and breakfast by 4. Or maybe 5. I want to catch the sunrise. I want to be able to work out (Nye-he-he). I just don't wanna waste half of a beautiful day anymore.

Okay, I’m gonna try to get some shut-eye now. (The operative word is TRY.)

晚安爱
糖果

art for art's sake

2004-06-30T03:35:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I went with my parents to Enrico V’s birthday/thanksgiving party. The only people I recognized were those from the Ateneo community and this friend of mine who is now Rico’s Red Bull teammate. We didn’t really stay long in the party because my dad was needed in Aliw Theatre for the Metro Manila Film Fest Awards Night. Man, I wasn’t even able to finish my sumptuous Mongolian meal because we really had to leave as my dad was tasked to present the trophy and the cash prize to the Best Picture winner. Hay. I’m not pa naman into that stuff. I don't know much about Philippine tv anymore. Speaking of local tv, my mom got inis at me recently for refusing to appear in this local singing group’s music video. Kasi naman I’m sooo not tv material. I honestly believe that a lot of other girls deserve to be in that video. :D

Moving on, I chatted with Kim for 4 hours this morning. I super duper love you, Kimmy. You undoubtedly know the real me. Oh and we’re in the same boat now. We’re no longer owned. We’re free, free, free. No more loser days. Hah.

Kimmy: “Look who’s hurting now.”
Hush.

I slept at 5am and woke up at 2:30pm.

I must’ve spent the entire Tuesday afternoon with my co-rocker chick, Mo, who also gave me this novel I’m dying to read. She says I might be able to relate to the protagonist. Woot. Since the two of us had nothing else to do on a rainy Tuesday, we decided to watch - get this - TWO movies in a row in gb3. We used up 4 of my gb3 movie passes and gave one away. The first flick we watched was Shrek 2. That movie is so cute and funny. I just felt lost at certain parts because I didn’t get to see the first Shrek. How sad! I couldn’t even go with those people who were inviting me to watch Shrek 2 last month because I regrettably failed to see the first installment. Same with Harry Potter, would you believe I haven’t even seen one Harry Potter film? Oh and worst, I’ve never read a single Harry Potter novel. Hah and to think I majored in English Literature. =/ The second film we viewed was Girl with a Pearl Earring. I really liked that movie. I hate to admit it but Colin Firth has this mystery in him that makes me want to mix paint with him. Harhar. And Scarlett Johansson’s skin is so immaculate. Wow.

Beauty inspires obsession.

After the last movie, we ate for awhile, bumped into a few friends at gb2 and took off.

I think I should watch more movies to keep myself occupied.

Okay, gotta hit the sack now.
Au revoir!

To my co-Rockers

Thank you for your wonderful birthday surprise. I sincerely and highly appreciate everything, most especially the effort you guys exerted. In all honesty, at exactly 8:30pm last Friday (my birthday), I thought I was gonna end up like Carrie in her Sex and the City birthday episode. Alone in the restaurant with the birthday cake she bought and totally guest-less. Goodness. Imagine me alone in Uva with my bottles of Tequila Rose and Bailey’s, pitifully wishing myself a happy birthday. Phew.

Thank you Muff, Mo, Miam, Roni and Roi for the cake, balloons and the gigantic card. You really made me feel special.

Rock on!

the big 2-2

2004-06-26T19:11:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to me!
(June 25, 2004)
Uva, Greenbelt 2

sleepover (Valle 2)

Thank you so much! I had a blast!
God bless you all!
mwah

sick

2004-06-15T23:04:00.000+08:00

I’m down with fever.

Probably because I’ve been out for 5 consecutive days already! Apart from my hectic weekend, I still spent yesterday and today hanging at Muff’s and Mo’s places, respectively.

Yesterday, Muff picked me up from my place at around 530pm to hang at her house and watch this vcd (Lupiao is the best!). After dinner, her cute and kalog lola introduced us to Jericho Rosales. Yes, the actor was in her lola's house. In all fairness, he was really nice and courteous. Quite a smart dresser, to boot. Man, we felt bad nga for Echo (*yehesss* feeling close!) coz he just had a knee operation and could hardly walk.

Muff and I also watched this cute episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy which made me realize that old-fashioned chivalrous guys are still the best. The man from that episode totally pampered his girlfriend. Aww. He cleaned his house, fixed his hair, dressed up, cooked dinner, baked dessert and prepared a candlelit garden-date JUST FOR HER.
Isn’t that sweet?
I really felt hopeless after watching it coz I don’t think I’ll ever find a guy like that. Hah. I hadn’t even come across one.
Zero. Zap. Zilch. Nada.

I'm all for old-fashioned romance.
Sigh.

Today, I went to Mo’s after hearing mass with my parents. Mo and I went to gb2 to check out this restaurant and get some stuff (gb2 looks different during the day ha). From there, we picked up her mom from work and went straight to their place. Once in their house, we watched One Tree Hill (I really heart Chad) and ate dinner. Nakikain nanaman ako. Jahe, I ate a lot pa. Lamon! Haha.

My fever was discovered soon after.
Hay, this is the first time in years that I’m falling ill again.

Okay, gotta go rest now.
Sweetest dreams.

Oh yeah.
Thank you, EJ, for greeting me 11 days before my actual birthday. Told you I'd give you props. Haha.

a quiz I took

Your True Sign Is Cancer

Cozy
Moody
Romantic
Traditional
Ultra-Sensitive
Unable to Let Go
The Most Loving Ever
Intuitive and Imaginative

What's Your True Zodiac Sign? Take This Quiz :-)

Coolness. That's my real sign.
And yeah, I am The Most Loving Ever.

the weekend

2004-06-14T02:36:00.000+08:00

I finally got myself a new phone to forget about the past.
Yey.

While I was phone-hunting in greenhills last Friday, I stumbled upon this guy from Xavier who serenaded me during the Poveda-Xavier soiree back in high school. Haha. If I remember correctly, he was everyone’s favorite guy and I just got lucky to be his partner in that pillow game. Well, I’m glad he chose to sing me a song coz I really find that act oh-so sweet. But the song? Oh my. Nevermind. Though, to be fair, it sounded and appeared cute. After purchasing the phone, I ate with my family and cousins at Tempura (also in greenhills) where I saw my ideal man with his girlfriend (it’s like meeting the man of your dreams and meeting his beautiful wife… harhar). I was also supposed to meet up with my friends at gb2 that night but opted to sleep, instead. I told you I always end up giving in to sleep.

Saturday afternoon; Miam, Mo and I attended the much talked about cardiofunk class at Fitness First in Libis. We worked out a bit after, ate bananas and then went home.

Ma’am Rica Santos, one of my favorite instructors from Ateneo, once said that “Misfortune comes in threes.”
Hmmm, let’s see if there’s truth to that.

When I got home, I was a bit shocked to find a big bruise on my left knee from that cardiofunk sliding-on-the-floor-ALA-noontime-variety-show-performance-move. Misfortune no.1 right there. A few hours after discovering the bruise, I decided to take a shower with my aching thighs and legs (that’s what you get when you don’t do stretches!). Goodness, I haven’t even been inside the bathing area for 10 minutes when I suddenly slipped, fell and landed on my butt. *Swoosh* Misfortune no. 2, baby.

I’m still unsure where the third misfortune comes in but I’ll go on with what happened to my Saturday night, anyway.

So by 11pm (despite promising them I’ll drop by at 10:30), I picked up Miam and Mo and headed to Roni’s. After fetching Roni, we all went to greenbelt to hang, drink and chat. And of course, I had to see someone there. Someone who had messages saved in the phone I got rid of. Greenbelt, after all, is a big place. You’re bound to bump into someone in that place. Blah.

At around 12, our all-girls table was already joined by Candz A. and her boyfriend, Jeff. That night was the first time I saw Candz A again ever since she got back from Europe. It’s so awkward having a dear friend with the same name but we love it, anyway. Hah. I love talking to that gurl! She always, always makes me feel good. Like lastnight, she was telling me "the truth" about these guys to make me realize how naughty they really are. (So pinagsasabay niyo pala kami ha!) Bad, bad boys. Tsk, tsk. Oh and she also said she’d introduce me to a future doctor. Mwa-ha-ha. I really miss hanging out with that lady. Man, we used to have those Sex and the City nights back in college. Cosmopolitan here, Rum Coke there. Candz would be Carrie and I’d be Charlotte. Ha ha ha. She’d always end up getting a glass of iced tea, though and I'd end up drinking her Rum Coke. Heh.

Okay, back to Saturday night.

We transferred to this other bar in Salcedo Village at around 1am to drink, be merry (haha) and meet up with my beloved Tin. Boy, I saw this guy I was once friends with *ahem* there and in fairness (inn furrrness), he made the first move to say hi to me. Since I’m polite, I also said “hello” to return the favor. Oh and there was that instance when I was suddenly pulled by this guy (friend of a friend) to have me meet his buddy. Har har. I used to find that guy I got introduced to interesting three years ago. Small, small world. From that bar, we dropped by gb2 again before going straight to Tianamen (T-bar) to eat/drink. I brought Roni and Mo to their respective places afterward and headed home, myself.

That night was a bit full of old flames, don’t you think? Heehee.

Were you able to figure out the third misfortune, by the way? Hah. I think I had more than three, man.

I woke up at 2:45pm the following day (Sunday) with aching thighs, an aching butt and an aching hea--.

An aching head. (Ha, you probably thought I was gonna type an aching HEART noh? Asa pa. FYI, I never shed a single tear for him noh. Nyehehe.)

After eating lunch, I went online for a bit to check mail and proceeded to Mo’s to return her books. Yep, I finally gave back the lucky SPELLBOUND book she lent me. I dunno why but every single time I pick up and read that book, he would also text me. Strange!!!
Anyhow, I went to hear the 7:15pm Sunday mass with Mo’s family at Mary the Queen in San Juan, as well. After hearing mass, Muff picked us up from Mo’s place and brought us to Jack’s Loft over at Wilson. That place is soo nice (especially the second level which I had a hard time climbing coz my thighs really hurt). It has a lot of blown-up Jordi Labanda images on the wall. I LOVE! Hmm, I wonder if they asked permission from Jordi to use those cute images… Ah basta that place will be our new hang out / chill out place. Heehee. We spent a lot of our time there LAUGHING. Muff kept laughing at me coz I’m so NENE daw. Like, people think I’m this crazy party girl when in reality I’m just a simple conservative innocent girl.

Muff: It’s a pity that people don’t know how conservative you really are.

Right on.

We also talked about the sleepover that I’m having on my birthday for the single ladies. Haha. Can’t wait. (Also can't wait 'til tuesday noon to go resto hopping in greenbelt with friends!)

Oh my. Mo thinks I should invite *toot* to my birthday dinner. Personally though, I don’t think I should because I don’t want to be disheartened or sad on my birthday.

Could he please allow me to be happy for just one night?
Please spare my birthday, dear.

I really do not understand why I still have a soft spot for him in spite of everything.
Wait, I think I get it now.

I still have a soft spot for him NOT in spite of but because of everything.

Boy oh boy. Why do I even allow myself to be affected?

I don’t think getting a new phone really changed anything. How can you forget about the past when it persistently haunts you?

Wonderin' if you're the same and who's been with you. Is your heart still mine?

"it gets harder each passing night"

2004-06-03T10:08:00.000+08:00

I had a hard time drifting off to sleep last night… and it wasn’t because I was thinking of someone. Por favor, I’ve been too self-centered lately to actually have time to think of anyone. Hah. Maybe someone was thinking-slash-dreaming of me. Hmmmmm. You ha… whoever you are, please… stop. Heh. You know what time I woke up today considering the fact that I slept at past 3am already? 6:50am. Goodness.

Anyway.

I miss college. I miss my blockies, college friends and teachers (yes, the teachers/profs/instructors). I miss the College Chapel, my second home, which is one of the few places where one finds solace and isn't judged. I miss acting like a silly school girl and having KFs. I miss ~~walking~~ running from Bel to SOM. I miss the smell of photocopied handouts. Hay.

I miss Ateneo period.

Accordingly, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about going to graduate school and acquiring educ units. It may not be known to all that I’ve always wanted to teach children. Seemingly, my short-lived marketing career (career? hee-yeah right) has made me realize that I really ought to pursue (or even try, at the least) my dream of teaching pre-school children. Sigh.

Here’s the hitch.

I don’t think I want to go through thesis all over again. I know its upsetting that laziness got the best of me but at this point I really think once is enough. I’ve already stressed myself for an entire year trying to comprehend the Filipino Diaspora and a bunch of Feminist, Structuralist and Post-Structuralist theories. Thank you very much.

To boot.

EJ: you're meant to teach grade school brats
EJ: I can really see you as someone who'll catch their pukes during recess
EJ: bibigyan ka pa ng gifts [ng mga horny adolescents] kapag Christmas.

Can you say CATCH 22?

I really have no clue where my life is headed.

the black eyed peas

2004-05-27T15:12:00.000+08:00

This is something I wrote in my LiveJournal in June of 2003 when I still didn't know much about the group.

Guess who's back
[19 Jun 2003|06:26pm]

...Spent my last two nights in the Bay Area wit cousins and friends. Friday night, Vanessa, Tin, Normann, Jun, 10 other guys and I went downtown clubbin. This group, Black Eyed Peas, performed there that night, too. Where is the Love was the only track that struck a cord. One of them's Pinoi and he was rappin in Tagalog. Hecka tight.

Actually, they're a bunch of good performers and I'd love to catch their performance again but CCP Open Grounds? I don't think so. Hehe. Excuse me, that's where we got felt up by strange people during the Incubus concert. Nyar.

I suppose we all got lucky that one night in San Jose when someone from Jun's crew jotted our names down the guest list. Hah. The group we almost ignored back then is now the *ish*, mind you.

solitude could lead to blogging

2004-05-20T09:55:00.000+08:00

It’s 9:46am and I’m the only one here (from my group… that is). Both my co-workers-slash-friends aren’t clocking in this morning. One has errands to take care of and the other is sick and would show up only before noon. Initially, she said she’d come after lunch but then she changed her mind when she found out I was gonna be alone AGAIN.
Think: Alone in the cubicle. No one to talk to. No lunch buddies. NO LUNCH AT ALL.
Pitiful.

Moving on.
I heard this song today that reminded me of my first kf in high school, Jade. Haha. Pathetic, I know, but still a sweet thought, nonetheless. Of course only Mela and Mons would understand why I liked him so much back then. Kahit may typhoon pa.
Boy, did he exert extra effort to get to know me. (kapal and feeling!)

Jade: "Yeah but she's only sixteen..."

Age ain't nothin but a number, sweetie. Haha. I wonder how he is now in London... I’m sure he’s still uberhot, mega-talented and oh-so charming.

Jade + Cands = ♥ ♥ *yehesss* (Yeah right. Asa pa.)

vote ko 'to

2004-05-17T23:54:00.000+08:00

NOTE TO THE PUBLIC: Please do not bring out your cellphones, videocameras, still cameras, etc. once inside the voting area.

Hah. What can I say? My mom's really maabilidad.

from Chicago, with love (8 April 2004)

2004-04-08T22:00:00.000+08:00

Miam, one of my dearest friends, called me at 3:14am today (Maundy Thursday) all the way from Chi-town, Illinois. We exchanged stories for 18 minutes. Goodness, ain't that the tightest? It sure is, as far as I'm concerned.
Miam, you're the nicest and the sweetest!!!! I miss you, gurl. Have fun and take it easy. ;p

Holy Wednesday

2004-04-07T22:35:00.000+08:00

Waking up at 4:30pm and sleeping through the entire Wednesday, or any other day at that, would surely reward you with an indolent feeling. Man, whatever happened to my aim of sleeping at 8pm and waking up at 5am everyday? GONE.
Anyhow, I tried hearing mass today (Holy Wednesday) but apparently came in late. I don’t know but when it comes to school or whatever event, I don’t really feel apologetic for being late. However, when it comes to mass, I always get that guilty feeling for being tardy. I suppose it’s because I made God wait and that’s not good. =/ After the mass, I stayed for the novena and did the Stations of the Cross. You know what, the latter brought to mind a lot of scenes from The Passion of the Christ. Enlightening!
So earlier, my dad told me that he and my mom are planning to go to Baguio next Wednesday for some gathering. Upon hearing that, I actually thought Wednesday? Cool, maybe I could come. But then a minute later, I realized, fart, I have work! Sometimes I just forget that I’m no longer on vacation and that I already have a 9-5. Augh. I’m sure nobody imagined me to work 6 days after graduation. I mean of all people, me? Hah. I just feel bad at times coz most of the people I hang with are still enjoying their break - partying on weeknights, going to BORA, Europe and the States, hooking up, etc. etc. – while I sleep early, struggle hard every single weekday morning to get up at 7 and work 8 hours a day. Waah. Sometimes I wonder, Heck, I should be enjoying my break and having the time of my life. I soo wanna go to Bora just like any other regular teen, you know.

There are actually times when I realize how young I am for a job like this and at those moments, I just feel like quitting. Hay, that’s life.

Holy Week

I’ll be at Royal Pines again with my family this Holy Week. I've always enjoyed goin there because the place is just so peaceful and relaxing. What's more, I know a lot of people (Ladz, Roni, Muff, JR, etc.) who’ll be there this week, as well. Coolness, maybe Tin could pass by, too, after Fuego.
As I’ve already said, I really wanna go to Bora but I guess I should set aside that thought for now.

it's a hard knock life

2004-04-03T18:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday has got to be the longest-ass day of my life.

After the alarm clock woke me up at 2:20am, I quickly bathed, fixed-up and headed to Ortigas Center. I made sure I was at the office by 4 because I was told that we would be picked up at that time. Sure enough I was there at 4 and so was the Ford person but due to inevitable circumstances, we were only able to leave for Shell SLEX at 4:40. Since the client was Ford, they had us four - Kata, Nica, Jada, the dj and I – picked up by a Ford Ranger (I was actually hoping for an explorer haha I’m playin!). When we got there at 5:30, we headed to Jollibee for a quick breakfast and only began working at 6:30am. Aside from making sure the dj was able to give a live broadcast every 30 minutes (from 6:30-10:30am and 5-7pm) on what’s happening at Shell, I was also bumming around, most of the time. You know what we’d do when we’re idle? We’d go to Select or any other air-conditioned place just to save ourselves from the unbearable heat of the noonday sun. One time, I even went with Nica, a freelance account executive-slash-Globe model (she even showed me her new Globe Girlfriends Ad that occupied half the page of the daily, which the guy near us was reading), to Delifrance just to sit-down, relax and have a share of the invigorating air-con. It was soo hot outside, I swear. At around 4pm, I began feeling sleepy so I positioned myself at the back of an L300 van that does not have air-conditioning and dozed off. Can you just imagine how hard it was being inside a van against the scorching heat of the sun?! Heck, it was awful that even if I was ubersleepy, I was only able to do so for 30 minutes. When I woke up pa, the PA happened to be passing by and joked: “Good morning!” He must have thought: The new girl on the block is sleeping while everyone else is working. Hah. I was told naman that I could rest before the next set of live broadcasts. Dang, we got back to Ortigas at 9:30pm already because the event only finished at 8. When I got home, I still had to eat and fix my stuff so I was only able to hit the sack at around 11pm. Surprise, surprise! When I woke up today, it was already 2:10pm. Hah. I suppose I was REALLY tired.
Okay, gotta go work on this project with Jollibee now. Ta-tah!

I want you so bad

I love bangles!
Call me superficial but maybe Charriol should serve as my inspiration to work hard every single day. That way, I'd really be driven.
Hayy.

I'm young, hard-working and underpaid.

I think I need a real boyfriend. ♪ I need a boyfriend, I need a boyfriend...♪ I'm playin! On second thought, it wouldn't hurt to have one. Haha.

May elections

She'll win my vote this coming May.
Dont you just love how this picture goes well with the music? Haha.
I'm really voting for her, though.

Happy birthday, Mela!

I’ll see you later, birthday gurl!

officially employed

2004-04-01T19:35:00.001+08:00

Today, I finally jump out of the unemployed sector of society.

For some reason, I had an extremely hard time getting out of bed today. Before sleeping at around 1230am lastnight, I set my alarm to annoy the heck-out-of-me today but somehow I just wouldn’t wake up. Oh brother. I wasn't able to meet my 2pm meeting because it was already 2:05 by the time I reached the office. Oh my. I was hecka scared because that was a job interview! Why would the boss hire me if during the interview pa lang I already showed up late. Uh-oh. But guess what… the boss wasn’t there yet! Haha. Tough luck! So anyway, when he got there he asked me questions about myself, college and radio AND even viewed my LiveJournal (jahe!). Afterward, he briefed me about the company, their events and all and voila, I started working right after. Okay, so maybe I didn’t really work work but I did help out my other boss, Kata, write the concept for this project with one of their new clients. Yep, Kata is the project manager and I’m the assistant project manager. Well, for 6 months, that is (it’s just a 6-month probational stint). Although we share the same cubicle, we have two different desks and computers that are logged on to the internet 24/7! Coolness. Technically, it could be said that we also work for the radio station (which I always listen to) because that's where our office is and we take care of their events. As a matter of fact, I start working with a bang by attending this Ford event tomorrow at SLEX, which runs from 6am to 9pm (imagine, 15 hours?!). Yes, you read it right and guess what time I have to be in the office… 4am, baby. It’s a two-day thing but I was told that I could skip Saturday since I’m still observing and also because of previous engagements.
Wait, wait. If I have to be there by 4, I have to leave the house by around 3:20am. Now if I have to leave by 3:20, I have to get up by 2am. What?!?!?! What time do I sleep then? Waah.

Somehow, having a 9-5 makes me feel like a student all over again. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice because I still haven't enjoyed my vacation. Oh well.
At any rate, I should consider myself blessed. :)
Well, I better go hit the sack now. See ya!

friendster

ElegantsXclusiv Freeandsingle has tried to add you as a friend.
You should approve this request only if you really are friends with ElegantsXclusiv.
Is ElegantsXclusiv your friend?
[Yes] [No]

What if I'm not free... and single?
Haha.

From Seoul, with love

2004-04-01T19:30:00.000+08:00

Chingy’s song starts to play. It keeps on playing that it already becomes deafening. Fart. I try to open my eyes but they wouldn’t. I try hard again. Finally. I look at the wall clock and check the time: 10:20. 10 more until my alarm goes on. Man, who could be calling me this early? I reach for my phone and check the caller ID but it doesn’t say who. The word CALL flashes interminably.

“Hello?”
“Cands!”

Goodness. I know this voice.

“Yeah?”
“Cands!”

It can’t be.

“Where are you?”
“Korea.”

Miam calls all the way from Korea, her stop-over.

“How many more hours from there to Chicago?”
“Eleven more.”

And we talk for almost ten minutes.

I love receiving overseas calls.
(Aww, I miss Heids’ calls from San Jose.)

A day in the life of an unemployed young lady

2004-03-31T15:07:00.000+08:00

Today, I woke up extra early. Actually, make that really early. The HR lady called me up at around 7:30pm lastnight, just when I was about to join my blockmates at Fort, to remind me that I had a writing test today at 10am. Hassle. So anyway, I skipped our block love/dinner/photo session to sleep early and prepare for my test. I was in bed by around 12:45am, mind you. Guess what time I was able to sleep though... freaking 4:10am! Anyhow, I still managed to get up at around 7:30am. Yehes. So at around 10:20am, I was made to sit infront of a computer with a newspaper on my right and a photocopy of some Japanese sent facsimile to my left. The test was all-essay. The first few questions were about journalism and their company. The third part of the test was sort of a comprehension test. They asked me to pick three top stories of my choice and explain them. Well, there was also the Paraphrase test which was in both English and Tagalog. Can I just say that I completely forgot what the term DEVELOPMENT is in Tagalog?! Goodness. I wanted to ask the girl next to me - who was reciting what she was typing out loud in deep Tagalog - but she seemed extremely busy. Augh. Of course, there was also the Current Events test, which required my opinion on the Maynilad/fare-hike/terrorist-capture/Noli de Castro/et cetera/et cetera issue. Sigh. I was in front of that computer for almost three hours, would you believe? The other people who took the test really dressed up for it; some were in barongs and others were in corporate attire. Me? I was just in my Ateneo-presentation get up: black 3/4 and slacks. It was just a writing test, anyway. I was infront of the computer, an MS-DOS pc that does not have a mouse, most of the time.
To be honest, I'm not really sure if that company will hire me because I think I'm too young for the position. Each of those I took the test with has a professional background already so my chance is really slim. I won't feel bad, though, if I don't get it because I know deep down that there are A BUNCH of other people (as I have seen earlier) who are more deserving. :)

Incidentally, I do have another meeting tomorrow afternoon with Mr. Joe d Mango.

On a lighter note, I drove from Visayas Avenue to my house today. Yep, during the day from 1:30 until 2:10pm! It was ok, I didn't get a scratch or anything but it was not pleasant. Heck. Those biggies (buses, trucks, tall macho 4X4s) that sandwich or cut small cars are uberirritating. Hmp. I hate it when I take a lane and some car would fumingly blow his horn on me because I'm blocking half of his lane. There are lanes there so each vehicle could take one, you know... it's what you call "order." Likewise, I loathe those freakin poser vehicles who'll pretend to stay at the rightmost lane for a few seconds then suddenly swerve all the way to the farmost left to make a U-turn. Creeps. I swear.

premiere

Watching Passion of the Christ at 7 wit friends. Gotta jet now!

Graduation Day: 26 March 2004 (Friday)

2004-03-28T23:58:00.000+08:00

Baccalaureate Mass and grad practice

The Main Event!

Sugi, Greenhills

Cena, Gb2

27 March 2004 (Saturday)

Miam's grad dinner (Alba's, Eastwood)

Capone's

28 March 2004 (Sunday)

AdMU Blue Roast 2004

2004-03-25T07:00:00.001+08:00

22 March 2004

2004-03-22T19:25:00.000+08:00

Went to Ateneo earlier today to:

pick up my toga,
get my baccalaureate mass invite
and buy a blue roast ticket.

I didn't really see anyone at school today... save for my younger crush who doesn't even study there. Aww, he looked so adorable today. So fresh and so clean, baby.
I. Heart. That. Boy.
Hmm, I wonder why he was in school today.

Niki

My 12-year old cousin, Niki, sent me this today.

Boy, has she grown.

20 March 2004

my milkshake->

From Cris

2004-03-22T02:43:00.000+08:00

Last Cigarette: Puff - either last year or two years ago.
Last Kiss: What kind? if beso then just a few hours ago.
Last Cry: Maybe two weeks ago. I really wouldn't know coz I've been happy. Haha.
Last Library Book Checked Out: Geopolitics (August 2003) for my thesis.
Last Movie Seen In a Theatre: Cheaper by the Dozen.
Last Book Read: The Purpose Driven Life and Grace for the Moment.
Last Cuss Word Uttered: dick! (I don't really cuss but some guy really pissed me off today.)
Last Beverage Drank: Royal tru orange.
Last Food Consumed: Lechon manok. Double yum.
Last Phone Call: Mom. Oh wait, what if it was a call I wasn't able to answer?
Last TV Show Watched: Some show on Nickelodeon that my niece was watching.
Last Time Showered: Sunday afternoon. (It's only Monday morning now, you know. 3am to be exact.)
Last Shoes Worn: My Lacoste leisure shoes.
Last CD Played: Prolly that wit hits from summer of last year haha although I'm listnin to Tamia now via media player.
Last Soda Drank: Royal.
Last Thing Written: Bea's number using a purple crayon lastnight at Burgoo, Powerplant. Haha.
Last Key Used: Backspace.
Last Words Spoken: "I hate him!"
Last Sleep: Lastnight.
Last IM: Miam.
Last Sexual Fantasy: Oooh lala =p You want me to be graphic?
Last Ice Cream Eaten: Vanilla ice cream from Mcdonalds' coke float.
Last Time Wanting to Die: When I was a kid.
Last Lipstick: Lip balm over lip tint.
Last Time Dancing: Saturday night at capones. Haha. Wait, well, actually a few hours ago when I got excited over something. Eeewww. Haha.
Last Show Attended: Menopause, friday night.
Last Big Car Ride: Kaichusexy's fantabulous macho car :)
Last Crush: The guy I like now. The guy I've always liked. =p
Last Annoyance: Today.
Last Disappointment: Now.
Last Time Scolded: Wednesday.
Last Shirt Worn: This 80's top from Thailand over my Mango spags.
Last person to do this survey: Crissie :)
Last Web Site Visited: My LiveJournal.

And another one...

INFO:
[Date Of Birth]: 25 June
[Location]: QC

APPEARANCE:
[Hair]: Dark brown.
[Eyes]: Dark brown.
[Height]: 5'6.
[Weight]: 102 lbs. I lost 6 lbs in 3 weeks.

RIGHT NOW:
[Wearing]: Pambahay blouse and shorts.
[Listening to]: Officially Missing You - Tamia feat. Talib Kweli (On repeat. I'm missin someone.)
[Thinking of]: Someone.

LAST THING YOU:
[Bought]: Sabrett hotdog sandwich from Araneta Coliseum.
[Read]: The Purpose Driven Life/Grace for the Moment.
[Watched on tv]: Cartoons.

EITHER / OR:
[club or houseparty]: Club wit the crew, houseparty wit a certain friend.
[beer or cider]: Tequila Rose.
[drinks or shot]: Shots.
[cats or dogs]: I'm not into pets but maybe dogs.
[pen or pencil]: Pencil.
[gloves or mittens]: Mittens.
[food or candy]: CANDY, durr.
[cassette or cd]: CD.
[coke or pepsi]: I'm lovin Pepsi now but I don't mind drinking Coke.

WHO DO YOU WANT TO-
[tickle]: Hmm. I only tickle people I'm close to.
[marry]: I have my eyes set on someone but I ain't tellin.

LAST PERSON-
[you touched]: My niece.
[you talked to]: My brother.
[you hugged]: Haha someone I saw in gb3. I won't mention the name. I can't.
[who broke your heart]: Do I need to say the name? Hah.

DESCRIBE YOUR-
[Wallet]: A black Coach wallet from my dad.
[Hairbrush]: A big purple Conair gel brush.
[Toothbrush]: Magenta Oral-B spin brush.
[Jewelry worn daily]: Earrings, bangles and rings.
[Pillow cover]: They're white with images of bananas. Haha. They were just given to me.
[Underwear]: Boyleg.
[Shoes]: I'm into pumps, white sneakers (yes, I like white kicks) and thongs/sandals.
[Favorite top]: Vintage tops.
[Favorite pants]: I love capris. I wear capris all the time.
[Cologne/Perfume]: Light scented.
[Hair]: Shoulder-length, I just had it cut.
[Makeup]: MAC. Laura Mercier. Benefit. Prescriptives. Loreal.

DO YOU LIKE-
[candles]: Yep because they're SENSUAL.
[incense]: I don't really mind.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN-
[love]: Of course, love keeps me afloat.
[soul mates]: Yes.
[love at first sight]: Nope.
[forgiveness]: Yes, I do.

WHAT'S ONE THING YOU WANT TO MAKE HAPPEN FOR TOMORROW?: I want to end up wit him. Haha. If not then WORLD PEACE :)

friday night

2004-03-21T21:35:00.000+08:00

Just watched Menopause with my mom and her friends at music museum. That play reminded me of Vagina Monologues. Wow, talk about memories, man. Imagine, each student from my Modern Drama class in junior year was actually required to write her/his own v/p monologue... Haha. That's not it. Apart from making each of our classmates read it, we also had to read our respective monologues in front of quite a number of professors, English students and complete strangers. Our final exam in that class was the presentation. Que horror. When my monologue was given back to me, there were so many funny and crazy comments on it. One of the most quiet guys in that class even wrote "REALLY, GIRLS DO THAT? =)" (yes, with a freaking smiley face) at the topmost part of my first page. Now, that was really jahe. Jahe with a capital J, man.

saturday night

Lastnight, I hooked up wit my highschool friends, Bea and Miam, at Burgoo, Powerplant. We were gonna watch 50 First Dates but there weren't nice seats available. After a few hours of binging and catching up, we moved to Mati, where we were met by our other friend, Monica. Out of boredom, we messed around wit the glasses of milkshake they ordered and started taking pictures of ourselves wit them and Bea's shawl. A few weird and wild poses later, we decided to roll to Capones wit Xyn and Vikas. Oh my. Would you believe I saw the guy I had a crush on a year ago there? Eek. He's so not the type you'd see out so I was ubersurprised to see him there. I wasn't really able to check him out because my friend and I kept moving as she was hiding from someone. Hehe. I soon forgot about him after seeing other friends.
It was a long yet highly entertaining night, I must say.

Oh yeah, I was also able to drive from Katipunan to my house. Yes.

he doesn't hate me

Last night, I was already convinced that one of my friends hated me because of what he did.
Today, however, I found out that he only did it because of unavoidable circumstances. He'd never do something like that deliberately... I think.
He doesn't hate me.
He never hated me.
He'll never hate me.

pba

We used up the pba tickets I scored today. Nice seats. Exciting games. I didn't root for any team, though. Haha. You know me.
Can I just say that watching can be hecka tiring?!

just remembered somethin tight!

2004-03-19T01:12:00.000+08:00

This is the unforgettable line:

"all the girls wanna kick it with me,
coz i run wit *my first name* C------ G..."

(From Summertime in the LBC)

Aww. *blush*
Coolness.

what's up wit that?

Something's heatin up. Someone's trying to make me jealous but it ain't workin. I mean come on.
You gotta do better than that, yo.

In any case, I'll still drink to that, hun!

dance wit me

2004-03-18T05:35:00.000+08:00

"~~She~~ He asked for one more dance and I'm
like, yeah, how the hell am I supposed to leave?"

I guess those lines would explain what transpired earlier in gb.

The night wasn't really outrageous or anything but I had fun with Miam's company, nonetheless.
Also bumped into old friends I haven't seen in ages and the good ol' baldies who were straight-up trippin.

ball tix

Someone's giving me free tickets to Sunday's game tomorrow.

How do you work this thing?

2004-03-17T22:14:00.000+08:00

Ok, so I don't really know how to work this blog yet. Got so used to LiveJournal. Anyhoo, I'm outta here. Gotta go meet up wit my friend now.
See ya.